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It's such an easy thing to get caught up in - judging others. Earlier this week I was on the beach, happy as can be, and then I saw three teenage girls who were about 3 times my size. Each one of them. And I sat there watching them, thinking, "how on earth could they let themselves get so big?" And then I realized I was being a bitch. These girls were out, having fun and enjoying themselves. They were not bothering me or anyone around them, so why was I judging them from afar? There was truly no good reason for it. As I caught myself in mega bitch mode, I realized that maybe it's because I sort of envied them? At my heaviest, I weighed around 160, which is a lot for a girl who is 5'1". But, they were all in bikinis and flattering bathing suits out on the beach enjoying life. Something I've only recently started to do. They didn't seem to care what others thought, but I've spent countless hours, days, weeks, obsessing about how I appear to others. Am I too fat in this shirt? Ughhh. My hips are just SO big. Why don't my shorts fit me right? My husband is going to think I'm hideous in this new tight skirt - it shows all of my flaws. And that list of self hate went on and on and on and on. I truly, inwardly, hated myself. I'd start working out and feel better. Then I moved or my rountie changed and it haulted instantly. I just couldn't stick with it. It wasn't until recently that I started realizing that I needed to LOVE my body and treat it right before the changes I was making would be fully effective. So, how can I sit there in the beach and silently scoff at these women? I honestly don't know. And I'm truly ashamed I caught myself doing it. I've been in their shoes. I've had people judge me and tell me their thoughts to my face, and it hurt. How many other inwardly had those thoughts? How many times have people judged me from afar? For being overweight? Under dressed? Not wearing make up? Being too loud? Drinking too much? Not drinking enough? Spending too much time with my significant other? The truth is, I shouldn't be having those thoughts. There's no right for me to judge anyone. I'm not perfect. Judging their flaws is essentially me pushing my own insecurities on to others. These girls were HAPPY. They were embracing life and appeared comfortable in their own skin. Granted, I never spoke with them, so I don't truly know their stories, but they APPEARED to be happy.
The truth is, they could have a thyroid disorder or Cushings disease. They could have a genetic issue. There are SO many things that could be the cause of someone being overweight. I need to understand this, and learn to cope with my own personal insecurities, before I can truly begin to help others, which is my ultimate goal. If I can understand, on their level, what they feel and believe, then maybe, just MAYBE, I can help them. Maybe they don't care to lose weight and get in to what doctors and nutrionists believe are "healthy" levels. Ultimately, though, I can't judge others because that's hurtful. My own thoughts are harmful, even to myself. Being a good person means accepting others, and I need to learn to accept others, in all of their shapes and forms.
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Beth MetzgarI'm a 28 year old accountant trying to make it in the crazy world of accounting, while staying accountable to myself for my fitness goals. You'll find my thoughts on various programs I've tried and what's worked for me and what hasn't. Archives
December 2016
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